Honors English Deibler 4

Prompt 1: I feel that Mark has every right to think about suicide based on what he witnessed, but I am not at all saying that what he was considering is right.  I can’t imagine what thoughts would be running through my head if I witnessed a murder.  Apparently, the situation is too much for Mark since he faints when he finally returns home.  Seeing this horrible act makes Mark consider if he will ever leave Alexandra or if he will end up running from dangerous situations for the rest of his life.  He sees each day as just another day in which he will somehow manage to survive, he even feels this way on his birthday.  I know that I would definitely ponder if life is worth living if I lived the way he did every day.

It is extremely sad how Mark was so young when he considered ending his own life.  Witnessing first hand something as brutal as the murder described in the book could and would probably have very saddening effects on the person who witnessed it.  In Mark’s case, his grades suffered and he didn’t want to go outside and play anymore.  He became a “loner” and secluded himself from everything.  Pretty soon after, he began to contemplate the option of suicide.  Mark was beginning to recall all of the horrible events that had happened to him throughout his short life.  Mark had endured things in 12 years that most people would never endure in their lifetime.  To me, its remarkable how he hadn’t even thought of the concept of suicide until he was 12 given his circumstances.

I would not say that Mark is a selfish person for having the thoughts of suicide.  He was just confused and wasn’t sure if his life would get any better.  As he fiddled with a stitch-blade knife, Mark considered the how he would kill himself and says that he was skeptical if anyone would miss him or not if he died.  When I read this, I became extremely saddened, especially when his mother began to cry with Mark.  Overall, I am not surprised, although depressed, that Mark seriously thought of committing suicide.  His life has been filled with suffering and struggle up to this point in the book, it is only natural of him to doubt that things will get better for him and his family.

Prompt 2: Pg 168:

“That afternoon I was predisposed to exacting the same justice on myself.  I felt that I had to die – and that afternoon I wanted to die – then I would die like a gladiator.  There was unanimity among the boys I played swordfights with that the best way was to die like a gladiator.

As I stood there on the stoep, however, my mind was in utter confusion.  Doubts, fears, restraints cluttered my thoughts.  Should I go ahead and do it?  If so, when?  Should I leave a note for my mother?  Where should I leave it?  How did it feel when someone died?  Where should I plunge the knife: in the stomach or in the heart?  Would I die a quick death, or a lingering one?  What would everybody say when they found my corpse?  Would anyone cry?  Would anyone care?  Did I have the courage to do it?”

I chose this passage because I saw this as the biggest turning point in the chapter.  Mark began to weigh his options when a hint of doubt in his commitment to go through with the plan swept over him.  While I was reading this passage, I could not believe my eyes.  I re-read a couple of sentences to make sure I wasn’t imagining what I was reading.  To me, this passage is significant in that Mark is facing the reality of what suicide would do to himself and the people around him.

Prompt 3: What was Mark’s mother thinking when she saw him with the knife?

Prompt 1:
Although I don not believe that suicide is ever the right answer to someone’s problems, I can understand why Mark would contemplate such an extreme act. He has witnessed so much at a young age, and been through more in his 10 years of life than most people go through in their entire life. He has lived in a world full of violence and poverty, and in his mind that is the only thing he knows. He doesn’t want to grow up to live how he has to live now but he doesn’t see any way to improve his life. He is so discouraged and beat down that he just wants to get away from it all, and in his mind that means committing suicide.

Mark and his family go through periods of time where they eat barely anything for months. He and his siblings are starving and he sees his family going nowhere. He witnesses the police storm into homes, taking away parents from little children, and he is only waiting for that to happen to his family again. He is beaten on a regular basis at home and at school for things he has no control over. He is an eyewitness to a brutal murder of a man who begs for his life but to no avail is shot and literally torn to pieces. What Mark lives every day would push anyone to contemplate ending their life just to have peace.

Prompt 2:
“But that lone winter afternoon my fighting spirit had ebbed to an all-time low. Suffering seemed unconquerable.  I had become frustrated, embittered and disillusioned about knocking at doors of opportunity, which seemed to shut more the harder and more persistently I knocked.”
(Page 167-Paragraph 4)

This passage from the book is the one part, thus far, in which as the reader you really think that Mark isn’t going to make it. Throughout the story you are cheering for Mark to find the one person or thing that will help him to a better life. While reading this passage you realize how beat down this little boy really is and you want that much more for him to have a better life. It’s hard to read about a young child so sad and lost that they begin to think they can never be happy.  No child should ever think that there is no opportunity for them in this world, and that is exactly what Mark is writing about here.

Prompt 3:
- How can a society allow their young children to run away to live on the streets, eat garbage, and supposedly “support” themselves when they are barely 10 years old?
- Why do the white people have all these strict laws, yet they allow education for the black youth?

1. The fact that Mark contemplates suicide is justifiable, given his past, but suicide seems like an extreme thing for a child his age to consider. It’s hard to imagine life being so horrible that you want to end it at ten years old. But, Mark has been through many hard times. He has witnessed murder and prostitution, been abused constantly at school, and has had to live in poverty for his entire life. Even though both of Mark’s parents have jobs, he feels that there is no way out of his situation.

If Mark were older, his situation would be a bit more justifiable. But, since he is only ten years old and still has a lot of his life ahead of him, suicide shouldn’t be the answer to his problems. Since Mark is going to school and learning how to read and write, his future could be better than his current situation. Since he has an education, he will probably have a better adulthood than his parents do. Mark should have thought about his future before contemplating suicide.

2. Chapter 28, page 169 – ” “Will you miss me too, Mama?” I sobbed. She held me tighter and said: “I would miss you more than anyone else. I too would want to die if you were to die. You’re the only hope I have. I love you very much.” I continued weeping. The tears seemed to want to come out. I felt deeply ashamed and guilty of some unknown wrong. “Now give me that knife,” I heard my mother say. I couldn’t see her because my eyes were now swimming in tears. I extended my hand and opened my palm, and she took the knife.”

In my opinion, this passage is the most significant because what Mark’s mother says in this passage stops him from committing suicide. For the first time in the book, Mark’s mother tells him how much she loves him and how glad she is to have him. Mark then knows that he would be greatly missed if he died, and doesn’t commit suicide.

3. Why does Mark’s mother keep having children when she knows that there won’t be enough money and food to support such a large family?

1.            Although I do not think suicide is the right way to end one’s life, I can certainly understand why Mark would be having such thoughts. Quite frankly, I am surprised that Mark had not contemplated the idea any sooner. Earlier in his life, Mark and his family went through periods of time where they ate next to nothing for months on end. Mark went through periods of time where he could not even physically stay with it, and would pass out. I could not even imagine feeling like it was a life worth living if I had to watch my siblings become ill due to malnutrition and constantly battle hunger, as Mark did.

In addition to not having basic survival needs met, Mark was constantly being beaten by his father and teachers and, from a young age, was put up against the police who barged into his home. Even worse, Mark witnessed the murder of a man in the streets at the young age of 10. Having no choice but to stay put, he watched a group of men literally rip a man’s insides out. Wrapping your mind around such an event, scarring even to mature adults, is difficult to even fathom. The fear and hatred in his life alone would be enough to put a person over the edge. Although his mother was certainly a major part of his life, I can certainly understand why he would have overlooked her amongst the chaos surrounding him, or even felt less important with the birth of each new child.

2.            “’Look at your sisters over there…. They’ll miss you very much…They’ll have no big brother to help them and to protect them. They’ll have no big brother to look up to. They’ll have no big brother to help them go to school when they grow up…I would miss you more than anyone else…You’re the only hope I have.’”  Page 169

I picked this passage because, at this moment, I think Mark finally realized he was the only hope for the family. He realized how important a role he played in his family not only then, but also the future. He was the reason his mother had been able to make it through all her challenges and he was his sisters’ protector. He was their only chance of ever having a better life.

3.            Does Mark’s father respect him and all his efforts? Is he simply being stubborn and refusing to give him praise for accomplishing things that goes against his tribal beliefs, but inside, knows his son is becoming something great? Or, does Mark’s father truly believe he is going to fail, and is he disappointed in him?

Prompt #1

What Mark witnesses is far more serious than anything I have witnessed in my entire life, let alone in my first ten years of life. When Mark saw that man being brutally murdered by the Tsotsis, it would be enough for anybody to truly contemplate the real meaning of life, and how insignificant one person really is. I am adamantly against suicide for it is a truly selfish act, and this is no different. However, with what Mark has been subjected to in his life so far is at least an understandable reason as to why he would commit such a heinous act. Between unwarranted police raids and brutal murders right in his backyard, it is enough to send anyone over the ledge.

After seeing such a brutal murder, Mark began to wonder what his purpose is on life. He began to descend into a deep depression and became incredibly introverted. He wondered whether anybody loved him or would even miss him if he was gone. In thinking about that so much, he began to convince himself that the world would be a better place without him, and truly, who could blame him? At the meager age of ten, Mark was SERIOUSLY considering taking his own life and he almost did.

While I know that I would definitely not have the courage to cause myself pain or attempt suicide, if I were in Marks shoes it is probably something I would have also considered. To say that Marks life is unfair is an understatement. He has never been treated justly by anybody he has ever met. Even his mother can be rather unfair. What’s worse is he has absolutely no outlet for all of this pent up rage that is building insider him. At least, that’s what he thinks until his mother convinces him that he would be missed dearly and he is loved very much. Marks reasons for committing suicide were not fueled by selfishness, but by thinking that he has absolutely no point on this Earth. If there was ever a just cause to commit suicide, this is it. Of course, we know now how wrong he actually was. He has changed many lives and I know without doubt that by reading this book he has changed mine as well.

Prompt #2

“The teachers descended on me like starved vultures out of the sky. They commenced the savage beating, taking turns whenever ones hand got tired. I fainted. They revived me, only to whip me some more. I spent an entire week bedridden, unable to sit up or sleep. For the rest of my primary school years I seldom, if ever, cut school for any reason. Even when I was gravely ill, I would crawl to school, and the teachers would send me back home.” Pg. 161. I find this passage to be one of the utmost significance because if Mark had never been whipped, he would have never gone back to school. If Mark had never gone back to school, then who knows what could have happened to the rest of his life. While reading this passage I felt terrible for Mark and even wished that the teachers would let up on him. I realize now that if that was the only way to keep him in school, then it was probably worth it.

Prompt #3

1. How will Mark ever go to a university or get out of Alexandra with still very little money and only a meager education? How did he end up in the United States?

2. Do you think Mark will still be resentful towards his father even after he grows up, or do you think he will learn to forgive his father and even appreciate him for shaping him into the person he is now?

1. I do believe that Mark’s thoughts of suicide are justifiable. In those conditions and the horrendous events that occur where he lives, suicide seems like something everybody would consider. When he saw that man die right in front of him, he was so scared and shocked when he got home that he had passed out twice! The cruel things that the tsotsis did to the man- for nothing more than the pennies in his pockets and the food (or whatever it was) in the bags-would definitely make me consider suicide seriously. Mark definitely went through an overwhelming experience that his 10 year old body could not handle

Also, his real life practically just beginning, he knows that there is also a very long and trecherous journey ahead of him. He has only seen a few of the struggles that he will have to live with and overcome as he gets older and has a family. Digging in the trash for food when there is not enough money to pay for groceries, neck deep in debt when jobless, and 18 hour work days to make sure that your family won’t get kicked out of the house for not paying the bills. Every single one of these details he is going to have to live with, along with the common raids of the police. Watching his dad go crazy and his mom overwork herself, he knows that that is what he is going to have to do for himself to stay alive and that is something that he definitely does not want to do.

Not only is he having to work extremely hard just to keep alive, but he has some major stress with school and his junkyard friend. After being beaten at school for missing out and being bedridden for a week afterwards, school doesn’t seem like the kind of place where you can work out your problems. If anything, it’s a place that creates problems. He doesn’t want to be beaten for not having books he can’t afford. Stress definitely added to the suicidal thoughts. His thinking process was definitely justifiable with the circumstances he has encountered.

2. Page 166 – One thing I do know was that I could not understand the morbid cruelty and satanic impulses that drove people to kill others. For what? I asked myself. What is to be gained from killing a fellow-sufferer? Why, instead of reaching out and helping each other, were some black people bent on hurting one another? Why, in the place of llove and compassion, were there implacable hate and anger and jealousy? I could not see myself living the rest of my life under such conditions – to me life meant love, understanding, compassion. Yet, I asked myself, “What other world was there to run to?”

The question derew a blank. I began pitying myself for living in those times. I became a loner; I could not eat; I could not sleep; my schoolwork suffered; and I seldom went out to play as I used to. I would instead spend days brooding over my helplessness and the senslessnes of the unbroken cycle of pain and suffering searing my mind and sapping my strength day after day. Why was life so hard, so without hope and promise?

I could not answer. Would life ever change for me? My sensitivity to the world around me made e soak all its suffering like a sponge soaking brackish water. Soon my mind was saturated, my being enervated, yet my soul continued to live and hope for better days. At ten years old I thought myself young’ that maybe things would get better as I got older and was able to take responsibility fr my own life. I filled myself with such hope and continued to cling to a silver lining, which seemed to disappear as rapidly as my desperation to cling to it increased. I had never felt more alone and helpless in the world.

I think this scene where the aftermath of the death of the man was the most life-altering scene so far. He has seen deaths before, and they haven’t effected him nearly as much. But this death that he witnessed firsthand was something that he was always going to carry with him. An ominous reminder of the apartheid that he lived with for so long. This scene shows how much the segregation can change people; not just blacks and whites, but blacks within themselves. Segregation and the prosperity that these people had to live with caused them to become destitute, uneducated, and sometimes killers. I think now, Mark is finally understanding how deep this apartheid and destitution really effects him and everyone else; how this is going to effect him for the rest of his life.

3. How will Mark live with this situation? How will segregation effect him beyond the thoughts of suicide? Will he keep living with it or will he go and try to stop it like he has thought of before?

1. I don’t believe Mark’s thoughts on suicide throughout the 28th chapter are justifiable. He relates his own suicide to that of the white people in movies, where they would “die with honor” by driving a dagger through themselves.  He doesn’t have enough knowledge of the white people to actually contemplate whether they still partake in “dying with honor.” In addition, Mark does not know enough about movies, where he believes that most of the actions that partake in film in reality do not occur. He just doesn’t have enough knowledge about the world to kill himself with cause.

Secondly, Mark doesn’t contemplate his decision about how the absence of his presence would affect those around him. Sure, it would be one less mouth to feed around the house, but by the time he turns 16, Mark could pay for his own meals and take care of his family. Mark doesn’t realize his importance. Next, Mark’s absence would have an effect on his sisters more than what his mother explains. Having an older brother myself, I know how important he his to me. If he were to kill himself (and especially at a young age), that would have a tremendous effect on me and might even send me into depression. Thirdly, his mother would not find a reason to live anymore. He doesn’t realize this, but Mark is her rock. She has no husband to talk to anymore, so she relies on Mark not just as a son, but as a friend. Without him, she has nobody as mature and adult-like as Mark to talk to. She has lost her rock, and thus loses her reason to live.

Lastly, Mark’s reasons for suicide are not justifiable because he doesn’t take into account his age. He is only 10 years old and already he is thinking like somebody who is 30. Is it because of the society that they live in, where children are given responsibility at such infantile ages? Or is it because Mark is different from the rest, that he is an “old soul” and is sympathetic. It might never be known. But he still has an entire lifetime of actions, achievements, and other great parts of life ahead of him that it would be sad to miss out on. Besides, Mark is so smart at this point that by the time he is old enough, he will be smart enough to get out of Alexandra and live his life the way that he wanted to and not the way the white men want him to.

2. On page 166, Paragraph 3:

“One thing I do know was that I could never understand the morbid cruelty and satanic impulses that drove people to kill others. For what? I asked myself. What is to be gained from killing a fellow sufferer? Why, instead of reaching out and helping each other, were some people bent on hurting one another? Why, in the place of love and compassion, were there implacable hate and anger and jealousy? I could not see myself living the rest of my life under such conditions- to me life meant love, understanding, compassion. Yet, I asked myself, “What other world was there to run to?”

This paragraph sums up Mark’s mindset about the world before and after the murder of the man. He believed that the world was full of compassion and love for one another, yet he realized, after the beatings and raids and the horrible things that white people did, that life was not full of love and compassion. This proves Mark’s fighting spirit to get past all of the pessimistic things in life and to look on the bright, simple sides of life. Yet, this also explains his thoughts of suicide, where he believes that in order to get away from this hate-filled, criminal world that he would have to take his own life.

3. Some questions:

a) What are Mark’s interactions with his sisters and brothers? I know he has a lot of them, yet only through his reflection while contemplating suicide do we ever hear about them. I feel like more knowledge of that could help better explain Mark’s personality.

b) What happened to the raids? Did they become so routine that whenever they occurred nobody even took any notice to them? Or did they die down?

Chapters 25-28 cover a tremendous period of difficulty in Mark Mathabane’s life.  Respond to the following prompts.  Follow each specific length requirement and incorporate relevant textual details.  While the focus should be on these four chapters, you may also refer to preceding chapters.

1.    Mark contemplates suicide on these pages.  While influenced by one main event, he also considers his life-long struggles as he ponders this decision.   The gravity of this idea is even more tremendous given his age.  Are Mark’s thoughts justifiable based on what he witnesses and experiences in his life?  Include specific details that support your thoughts.  (2-3 paragraphs; min. 5 sentences/paragraph)
2.    Chapters 25-28 focus on a number of life-altering moments.  Choose one specific passage from these chapters that struck you as the most significant.  Record the entire passage, the page number(s), and 3-5 sentences explaining your choice.
3.    Present 1-2 open-ended questions that you are wondering as you read the book.  The question may be one to which we’ll find answer, or it may be one that will never reach a definite solution.  Be sure that the question or questions are open-ended (yes/no responses will not work).

After posting your responses to the above prompts, comment on at least two classmates’ writing.